Juggling and Insomnia

I usually don’t have insomnia, but last night for some reason I woke up around 1:30 A.M. and couldn’t fall back asleep. After a few minutes of staring into space, I got up and went to my home office (formerly the dining room). It was nice actually, everything so quiet.

I made myself some coffee and set out to tie up some loose ends in preparation for the writing marathon that must take place between now and the end of the year, a marathon that will take place mostly on the weekends, but possibly also in the wee hours of the morning.

There I was shuffling papers, cleaning dishes, taking out the trash, responding to blog comments, cleaning up my desktop, when the puppy came out of the bedroom to look at me like,”What the hell are you doing?” Then she turned around and went back to bed. I could have kept going, but I figured I should try and get some sleep before work. I’m on a solid three-week streak of showing up on time.

Keeping a schedule, being organized and on top of things has always been important, never more so than these days. I can’t think straight in a disorderly, chaotic environment, and there is so much to think about right now that I’m literally just trying to keep up.

The memoir is currently out to my mentor and three other people for review. While I wait for their notes, I’m rewriting the pilot I gave my manager earlier this year, and drafting a new one. I want to have two under my belt for staffing season in the spring, a one-hour drama and a half-hour dark comedy, different subjects, different tones.

I’m applying to more residencies and television writing programs, all worthy endeavors but time consuming.

I’m scheduled to revise the script I optioned in March from another writer. If I can manage it, I’d also like to rewrite a couple of my own feature scripts, but that might need to wait until the pilots are further along. My plan is to basically always be writing. When one project is being read/reviewed, I’ll be working on something else.

On top of all that, I’m also trying to “get out more,” as in reconnecting with folks in my field. Social media networking isn’t enough. I need face time with people to rekindle the personal relationship, find out how and what they’re doing, where they’re working, and let them know what I’ve been up to, etc.

I’ve thought about dating too but, frankly, between all the projects, working full-time, taking care of Ruby, and taking care of life, I simply don’t have time.

It feels a bit like a juggling act, or like being in a one-woman band. Balls in the air, balls in my hand, eyes darting from this to that, mind focused, heart pounding but trying to remember to breathe, nerves rattled but trying to appear relaxed, friendly and like this is the easiest thing in the world.

As Diane Keaton used to say in (one of my favorite movies) ANNIE HALL, “La di dah. La di dah.”

Have a great weekend, folks.

Finding Freedom Within Order

Creative folks want need to be creative in order to function, much like an athlete needs routine exercise. We need to work in our office or studios, without interruptions, without noise (unless that’s your thing), without worries. We need physical and mental solitude, freedom, and space, within which our imagination can soar and the divine spirit of creativity can flow.

Pablo Picasso, Photo credit: Edward Quinn

However, unless we’re Picasso or some other mega-successful artist who can hire nannies, maids, bookkeepers, gardeners, dog walkers, and so on, we have to take care of all these and other responsibilities ourselves. We might even have to work a day job until we make a living from our creative pursuits. Many of us find ourselves spending all of our time just trying to survive and manage our households, less time on our art, and very far away from “solitude, freedom, and space.” If we’re not willing to abandon our families, pets, jobs, or creative passions, what can we do?

One of my favorite quotes, originally sent to me by my sister (who got it from another person) several years ago: “Be regular and orderly in your life so you may be violent and original in your work.” What does it mean to be regular and orderly? Let’s break it down step by step.

Before doing anything else, you must get organized. Get a filing cabinet, some folders, paper clips, stickies, stapler, tabs, whatever you need to sort and order all the paperwork of life. If you work in a large office, you could always “borrow” some of the smaller stuff (just don’t walk out with a filing cabinet or shredder). Once you have your supplies, go through all your papers and

Throw shit out. You might think you need a hard copy of every bank statement and bill, but in this digital age you absolutely do not. Almost everything can be found online, which means you should throw out (or shred) the hard copy, including any random piles of articles, recipes or directions you printed out months ago. You can find it online.

Create piles. Whatever paperwork you keep, put in piles: automobile, children, medical, pet, mortgage, legal records, etc, etc. You might end up with six piles. You might end up with twenty. If you end up with 100 piles, something is terribly wrong. Remember, you should only be keeping what cannot be found online.

File the piles. Put the piles into folders, label the folders, store the folders in filing cabinet, put filing cabinet aside. Congratulations. You just created a lot more space and peace of mind.

Create a budget and schedule of expenses. This could be as easy as looking at your monthly bank statement and seeing how much money goes where/when. Make a list and consider programming your online calendar (or your phone) with reminders of when certain bills are coming up. Your expenses shouldn’t be a mystery and bills should never come as a surprise. You don’t want to think about money (or the lack of it) any more than necessary.

Create a personal schedule. It doesn’t have to be militaristic, but plan out your average day from beginning to end, even if you never refer to it again, just to see how you’re using your time. See if you can “schedule” some creative time into your day or week, then inform your family, “On this day(s), from this hour to that hour, I am not to be disturbed.” Post your schedule where everyone can see it, and stick to it. If necessary, lock your door to keep intruders out. If your intruders are too young to be left completely alone, then schedule your creative time for when they’re asleep, doing their homework, or not at home.

Create a long-term schedule. This could be a month, six months, one year, five years, or all of the above, but doing this will help you determine how to prioritize your projects and manage your time. Are you working towards a show, application or publication deadline? Where do you see yourself in three years creatively? What do you need to do to make that happen? Work backwards and set your deadlines. If you have no specific goals for now, that’s okay too. Sometimes we simply need time and space to think.

Create your work. Once you’ve organized your papers, taken care of all the mundane “life” stuff, informed your household of your schedule, locked your door and taken a moment to soak in the reality that you are FREE to create now… do your happy dance, set your spirit free, let your imagination go wild, be bold, and take risks. This is YOUR time.

Happy creating!

Hello… Is Anybody Out There?

Hello fellow bloggers and random readers! Apologies for dropping off for a week. Did anyone notice? Is anyone listening?? Forgive me, I’m feeling a bit loopy right now. I’ve been writing pretty intensely on the book for the past seven days, the goal being to send it to my mentor today. I just sent it! Woo hoo! Now, the waiting game begins. The last time I gave him the draft, a year and a half ago, he got back to me within two weeks. He also didn’t finish it (he read the beginning and the end). That draft was REALLY rough, so I didn’t take it personally. Honestly, I’m honored that he agreed to read it again. My mentor is a successful writer/director and the son of a famous author, so he knows his &#%$.

Anyway, I’ll be back to blogging after the weekend. Hope everyone is well. Looking forward to catching up on your blogs too. Have a great weekend!

When it Rains it Pours

A few minutes before the end of the work day, a colleague of my boss handed me two 3-ring binders, each 4 inches thick, about 1000 pages. “I’m so sorry, but we need 5 copies of these binders.” My boss shows up behind the colleague and frowns. “Sorry…” After they apologized some more, they finally left me alone with the binders, at which I stared for a solid five minutes, speechless. Then I logged off my computer and left. (They don’t expect them tonight.)

On the way home after picking up Ruby from daycare my phone rings. My manager, calling me at 7:15pm.

“I just pulled a Hail Mary,” she tells me.

Remember the pilot I sent her a few weeks ago? It was meant as a writing sample for a TV show that’s looking to hire a new writer. But the pilot wasn’t ready. I thought we’d have to wait until next year to submit something. Unbeknownst to me, my manager (G-d bless her) sent them a couple of older scripts.

“And now they want to meet with you.”
“You’re a miracle worker!” I tell her.
“On Monday afternoon,” she continues.
“Fuck me.”
“Yeah. So, drop everything you’re doing and prepare.”

The Good News I have a meeting on Monday for a potential gig which could change my life if land it.

The Bad News is I have to spend the next however-long-it-takes making these fucking gargantuan binders. And the rest of the time watching 4 seasons of a television show (48 hours), reading up on the executives, and figuring out what I’m going to wear on Monday. Luckily, tomorrow I get my new bridge from the dentist, the final chapter of the loose tooth saga, so at the very least I’ll have a brand new smile.

I’m afraid the only way to get everything done is to take a blogging break for a few days (no Industry Friday either). I hate to do this, especially since there are so many new readers but hopefully you understand. I’ll be back on Monday to let you know how the meeting went, or before then to let you know it was cancelled (happens all the time).

Until then, think of me either sweating over a xerox machine, getting paper cuts or training my eyeballs on the computer/TV screen watching ____ . Oh, and Saturday afternoon is the table read for the play with the Two Actors.

Have a good rest of the week!

Trying to be Zen and not Kvetch

For those unfamiliar with the Yiddish term, to kvetch means “to whine or complain, often needlessly.” Favorite use of the word in a sentence: “Is this truth I’m delivering up, or is it just plain kvetching? Or is kvetching for people like me a form of truth?” — Philip Roth, Portnoy’s Complaint. I try not to use the blog to complain but right now all I can think of are the things that are annoying me. Don’t feel obligated to read any further. I just want to get these things off my chest, starting with:

1. I’m tired. Between losing an hour to Daylight Savings Time and getting up earlier for the longer commute to puppy’s new daycare, I am seriously struggling to stay awake.

2. I hate traffic. It’s a little easier not to feel road rage when there’s a cute puppy sitting beside you, but damn does LA traffic SUCK, especially since I still haven’t figured out the best route to get to new daycare. I miss the days in Vermont when I could either walk everywhere or drive on roads with no traffic to any destination.

3. The puppy is a handful. Yesterday I had to stay home from work because she threw up five times before 9:00am. On the way to the vet, I discovered one of the seat belts half-chewed away. The vet actually came out to my car to inspect. Did she swallow half the seat-belt? Or a bone? Or a tennis ball? Not this time (thank g-d) but she definitely ate something that didn’t agree with her. Now she’s on yet ANOTHER medication, at least for the next 4 days. I love her and will do anything for her, but she is driving me a little nuts.

4. I’m crankier when I’m tired. I’m trying to get up even earlier now than before, at 3:30am, to make up for leaving the house earlier for the commute. Except I keep hitting the snooze button, so the alarm goes off at 3:30, 4:00, 5:00 then 6:00am before I finally get out of bed at 7:00. I’m sure this is driving the puppy nuts.

5. I can’t stand my job. Rather, I am grateful to have a job, income, benefits, pleasant work environment, nice co-workers, a desk with privacy and a window, and a very cool boss, but I can’t stand not doing what I love. This is what you call a “day job” – a job that pays the bills, not a job you’re passionate about and can’t wait to get to. There is no shame in having a day job. And as far as day jobs go, this one is pretty sweet (they let me go to Vermont, after all). I can’t say enough about how nice my boss is. But I’d rather be doing what I love: writing, directing, producing, working with artists, working with children, making art, making a difference, using more of my brain.

6. There is never enough time in the day. I’ve been asked to volunteer again this Saturday and feel torn. I want to help out but I also want a weekend to myself. Weekends are usually busy: puppy class, doctors appointments, laundry, groceries, cleaning, dog park. Can I squeeze in another few hours of volunteering?? If I don’t, will they think I’m not passionate enough?

7. I really miss having a partner. Besides missing Kaz’s voice, touch, wit, wisdom and everything else, I also miss having some help with life.

8. I’m not exercising enough and am overweight. Need to either get up earlier and walk with puppy, walk at lunch, or hike more on the weekends.

9. I’m not making enough money. It’s frustrating to be 42 years old and still scraping pennies to make it to the next paycheck.

10. My writing is going slower than a snail’s pace, which aggravates everything else because it feels like there’s no momentum.

Do I feel better now? Hmmm, not really. Though now that I’ve listed my grievances, I recognize that these are issues everyone deals with. They’re all within my power to change. And things could be a whole lot worse. Shame on me for complaining about all this BS.

I’m lucky to have a job, a car, my health, a beautiful loving dog, friends and family, wonderful memories of a wonderful man, a great love, a city where the sun is almost always shining and exercise almost always possible, and a blog where I get to write every day.

So, no more kvetching.

Me Time

This past Friday Ruby came home from daycare with a limp in her front paw. Her LA daycare mom said she had been playing a bit too hard. I didn’t get upset, but I couldn’t help but wonder if this would have happened in Vermont, where she was in a smaller group of dogs and watched carefully by that daycare mom. She also received obedience training in addition to daily off-leash hikes in the mountains. I actually questioned whether it was right to bring her back to a one-bedroom apartment in LA, where the only place she can run around is a dog park, to which we have to drive 15 minutes, 25 in traffic. But this is where we live. Unless I gave her up, she had to come back with me to the urban jungle.

Two days after we arrived, VT daycare mom texted me: Is she missing any dogs you think????

I looked over at the sleeping puppy. Was she dreaming about hiking and wrestling with her VT buddies? Both of us have been dealing with medical issues developed while traveling, and now she gets a nasty squirt of medication in her mouth every night. But despite this, the long car rides to and fro, and the fact that she has to walk on a leash again, she seems happy. It’s possible she misses Vermont, but here she is the center of my attention, doesn’t have to share the bed with four other dogs (and two people), it’s 80 degrees out and she hangs out at Venice Beach. I’ve also been training her more consistently than before we left and making sure she has plenty of exercise on the non-daycare days. It feels as if we have found our rhythm again and we’re both on the mend from our travel wounds.

That said, today is the first day since being back that I’ve been able to truly concentrate, partly because I put her in daycare instead of keeping her home with me. This morning I had to question whether it was worth the money. But if there’s one thing I confirmed in Vermont, it’s that I am a happier person when I’m writing.

My sister recently reminded me that our mother used to regularly go into her art studio and close the door. During this time, she was not to be disturbed for any reason other than an emergency. I know a dog is not a child, but she’s the closest thing I have at the moment. And as smart as she is, I don’t think she would understand, “Don’t disturb Mommy right now, she’s writing.”

Hence, she is in daycare on my day off (hopefully not playing too hard), and I am taking advantage of this Me Time by writing and strategizing my future. Time is of the essence.