My name is Niva. I write about life after loss and the creative process.
In April, 2013 I was Freshly Pressed for the post Public vs. Private Grief.
This post explains the name of the blog.
Thank you for stopping by and sharing the journey with me.
November 27, 2012 at 2:07 am
Sorry about your partner’s death. All sounds like good steps for reconnecting to life. Just — be careful! 🙂
November 27, 2012 at 2:25 am
Thanks Michelle. I will. 🙂
November 27, 2012 at 11:05 am
My condolences for the loss of your husband. I will not pretend to know how that must feel. Thankfully I am still blessed to have mine.
Learning to ride a motorcycle and new puppies I am familiar with. Congratulations on both. Be careful and ever watchful of the other person. There are a lot of crazy drivers out there.
November 27, 2012 at 8:47 pm
November 27, 2012 at 1:30 pm
Thanks for stopping by in England. Raising a puppy is incredibly rewarding, and to be much encouraged. Riding a motorcycle is exciting at times, especially when there is good weather, and you can avoid all the traffic jams. Be careful though, cars don’t really look out for you on a bike. Good luck with your recovery, you are still very young, and I am sure there is plenty of time to rediscover happiness. Pete.
November 27, 2012 at 8:49 pm
Thank you Pete. I suppose 42 is still young but life also seems very short and going faster every day. Your optimism and words of advice are much appreciated. 🙂
November 27, 2012 at 8:53 pm
When you are 60, age 42 is still very young. I married (for the third time!) at 57, and started my life all over again. Never say never, there is always a rainbow somewhere… I have your best wishes in my heart, and so do many others. feel the care, and gain strength. Pete. X
November 27, 2012 at 9:02 pm
Ah, that is so good to hear. Congratulations on finding love again. You give me hope!
December 14, 2012 at 3:53 am
I’ m looking forward to following you on your journey!
December 14, 2012 at 4:36 am
Thanks for following my blog
December 14, 2012 at 2:59 pm
So sorry for the loss of your husband. Wishing you all the best for your ongoing journey. It is good to see you are grasping life by the horns! 🙂
February 19, 2013 at 6:17 pm
Thank you. 🙂
December 14, 2012 at 9:03 pm
So, sorry about hubby. We’re both avid motorcyclists here too. 🙂 look forward to chatting sometime…
February 19, 2013 at 6:17 pm
Thank you. And I look forward to that as well.
December 15, 2012 at 2:18 pm
Great blog, and thanks for finding my blog and following it.
December 18, 2012 at 1:09 am
Thank you. The feeling is mutual.
December 27, 2012 at 8:08 pm
Thanks for the follow! I look forward to reading your blog and I’m sorry for your loss. I wish you all the best on your journey through this life!
February 19, 2013 at 6:18 pm
Thanks for your kind words. I’m a little late in responding but appreciate it all the same.
February 19, 2013 at 6:19 pm
No worries! I know you’ve been busy!
December 30, 2012 at 7:12 pm
I have been reading your blogs for a few weeks now. I am new to this (blogging, widowhood, etc.)as well and don’t know how to reach you by email. My email is email@example.com I would like to converse with you about how to utilize our blogs based on suggestions I’ve read about. Please contact me if you are interested.
February 19, 2013 at 4:11 am
Hi. Im sorry for your loss. It’s a horrid feeling, losing the one you love. It’s great you’ve taken up new hobbies – I should do the same. I’d love to have a chat online sometime. I look forward to reading more of your blogs. Cheers.
February 19, 2013 at 6:10 pm
Thank you. And yes, a chat would be lovely.
February 21, 2013 at 12:42 am
Hi, I noticed you don’t have your email anywhere on the site (wise move, this is the Interwebs!) however I’d love to chat via email if you are up for it. my email is katie_crothers @ hotmail.com
February 21, 2013 at 12:53 am
Hi Katie, I will email you. Just started following your blog. I look forward to chatting.
March 9, 2013 at 6:49 am
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I check out everyone who likes or follows my blog – I found yours and tonight I apparently needed to read your blog. My husband died 8 1/2 months ago and I’m struggling with it more now than I was last month or even around Christmas, it seems.
A fellow widower/writer and a number of friends have all told me I need to write a book (I’ve known that I need to write it for a long time, it just hurts too much right now to actually write it) so to find your blog – writer, widow – tells me I was supposed to find you now.
Sometimes things happen for a reason.
March 9, 2013 at 11:55 pm
Thank you for stopping by. I’m sorry for your loss too, and I hope you do write a book. If it’s any help, I didn’t know what I was writing at first, I just started writing. Expressing the emotions can be cathartic and healing. Glad we found each other.
April 5, 2013 at 12:20 am
I am so sorry for your loss. I remarried last year at 55 (after 13 years with my guy) and it would be unbearable without him. I hope your life will find/make room for happiness in whatever time it takes to find it.
April 5, 2013 at 12:59 am
Thank you for the kind words and for stopping by.
April 10, 2013 at 11:36 pm
Very excited to find this place of therapeutic musings you have created! It has been 12 years since we lost my Daddy, leaving my Mama a widow. All though life goes on….you never stop missing them. Super stoked about your new hobby, and where it takes you! Pura Vida!
April 16, 2013 at 9:45 pm
April 11, 2013 at 5:00 pm
Brain cancer is a tough thing, lost my mom to it 20 years ago too. And married just eleven days – geez, harsh. I wish you the very best with your writing and life ahead. Congrats on getting freshly pressed.
April 16, 2013 at 9:46 pm
Thank you, and I’m sorry to hear of your mom.
April 12, 2013 at 3:03 pm
I hate to take up “Freshly Pressed” space, but I wanted to thank you for your blog design recommendations and invite you to claim your reward here –
April 12, 2013 at 5:29 pm
Thanks Tony, looks great!!!
April 12, 2013 at 7:53 pm
Hello – i just discovered your blog – thanks to being Freshly Press (congrats by the way). Your post regarding public and private grief caught my eye. First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. Secondly, I cannot say that I understand exactly how you feel, but I understand loss in a way that I am still grieving and each day gets a little easier – after a year – but then I fall down and lose a few steps and I feel like I am back to March 18, 2012 all over again. Anyways, I have enjoyed your writing and look forward to perusing your site – I have a son who will be embarking on his first year in college – dbl major – business and film production. Movies are what he loves – maybe someday you will be working together…..
Thank you for listening:)
April 12, 2013 at 8:02 pm
Hi Kimberly, thanks for reading and sharing. I believe you refer to the “two steps forward, one step back” aspect of grief, which I am very familiar with. Where is your son going to school? That is exciting indeed!
April 12, 2013 at 8:11 pm
Yes, two steps forward and one step back – but sometimes I am not very graceful and fall – splat 🙂 My boy is going to SIU – Southern Illinois University. (We live in IL). He chose to go there because of their internship/partnerships. I have a very headstrong son, but he is a bit naive, however, he is a dreamer and dreams big and I am excited for him. This will also be his first time away from home – 5 hours – so it will be interesting to see how he fares. The school has certainly taken an interest in him and helping him put together a wonderful curriculum.
April 12, 2013 at 8:28 pm
Sounds wonderful.Dreaming big is good for filmmaking, and the business portion will serve him well. I wish him the best.
April 12, 2013 at 8:54 pm
And btw, we all fall flat sometimes.The trick is to get up again and keep moving forward best we can, right?
April 19, 2013 at 9:45 pm
Oh, Niva, it’s so good to “hear” your voice again…just found you from your twitter invite. Your compassion and generosity in sharing your journey is truly inspiring. Big hug!
June 13, 2013 at 1:09 am
Sorry I’m so late in replying, but thank you!
April 23, 2013 at 8:14 pm
Hey..I just read your post on grief. Your blog is great..I have a blog somewhat similar too, I started very recently (two years after losing my friend in a car accident that changed my life). I don’t get to write that often, but I’d be honored if you checked it out. megettingthroughtoday.wordpress.com
I know how shallow ‘sorry about your husband’ sounds, but I sympathize with people who say that to me because really, what else is there to say? You’re a strong person. Keep going.
June 13, 2013 at 1:13 am
Hi, sorry I’m so late in replying. First off, thanks for your kind words. Second, I did just check out your blog and it’s wonderful. Are you still writing? Keep it up. I hope your school work and life is going well, and your healing too.
May 22, 2013 at 10:53 pm
Not certain if you are a fan of the award thing – but I wanted to give you something – you are a wonderful writer and I enjoy your blog and I think you are absolutely sweet:)
May 22, 2013 at 11:10 pm
Aww, that is sweet. 🙂 Thank you very much!
July 2, 2013 at 12:04 am
I nominated you for the Super Sweet Blogging Award today, July 1st. If you would like to accept, you can see the wonderfully sweet award on my July 1st entry, @ http://www.Ramblinann.com
Just read words4jp’s comment above so I’ll just say “ditto” I know some of the awards are silly, but sometimes it’s like getting a card from a friend, just because.
July 12, 2013 at 10:41 am
Thanks Ann. I appreciate it! I think there’s another award floating in one of the comment sections that I still have to accept. Will have to track it down, then respond to all three. Thanks again.
August 14, 2013 at 6:01 am
Seems like you and I would have a great chat!!! Strong lady and amazing fighter two things we have in common. 🙂
August 14, 2013 at 9:38 pm
Pleased to meet you. 🙂
My DEEPEST Condolences for your loss. 😦
My name is Kevin Gillespie, I do, MUCH prefer to be called Kev however. 🙂
I live in Wales, & I am following your Blog. 🙂
August 15, 2013 at 5:35 pm
Hi Kev, thanks for the kind words and the follow… all the way from Wales! I love it. Nice to e-meet you as well.
December 17, 2013 at 2:16 am
I come bearing gifts: http://words4jp.wordpress.com/2013/12/17/gratitude-and-appreciation/
Please know that you do not have to accept – I realize you may not accept awards. I perfectly understand and mean no disrespect. I see these awards as gifts – gifts of appreciation and gratitude for your inspiration and the friendship you bring to my heart. xx
December 18, 2013 at 10:51 pm
Thank you so much!! I’m flattered. I’m also really bad at doing the “award post,” but you have my humble gratitude. Happy holidays! xo
December 19, 2013 at 3:22 am
You are so welcome. I just want you to know I really like you;). I hope you have a great holiday season. I am not a fan of this time of year but my son is home from college and now I have the pair if boys together and my pooch. My family is together. This is what I hold onto to.
December 19, 2013 at 8:02 am
So sweet. I really like you too. Enjoy your family. That’s what it’s all about. 🙂
June 18, 2014 at 11:37 am
somehow I stumbled across your blog and I’m so glad I did. I’m really sorry about your loss. But also thankful that you’re sharing your experience.
I lost my husband to cancer in July 2013. He was 32. We had been together for 10 years and married for 4 months. Our son was just 10 weeks old when he died. He was diagnosed when I was six months pregnant. All the pregnancy and nursing hormones kept me going until recently. But now I’m really struggling. It feels like I’m just now realizing what has happened and what this means for our son and me. It’s just incredibly overwhelming.
But your blog gives me hope that I will “live” again some day. Thank you so much.
Best wishes from Berlin, Germany
June 18, 2014 at 4:45 pm
Thanks for stopping by and sharing your heartbreaking story. I’m so sorry for your loss as well. Too much for you and your husband to endure at such a young age. I’m glad you have your son though. He will learn from you what an amazing man his father was. And he will bring comfort to you too as he grows to resemble his father.
Hang in there. It can seem hopeless but remember the cycle of life is about renewal… like the seasons, and day into night into day again. It will get easier/better with time. It also takes a long time.
Please keep in touch. Feel free to email directly too. firstname.lastname@example.org
Wishing you the best,
June 22, 2014 at 12:12 pm
I just read your recent essay that appeared in Narrative.ly. http://narrative.ly/second-acts/saying-i-do-and-saying-farewell/ Thank you for sharing your experience. I was moved and shared it on my FB page because I know many people who have suffered loss of loved ones and find a way to move forward one step at a time. Enjoy your move out East.
June 22, 2014 at 7:53 pm
Thank you so much, Tony, for reading, sharing, and commenting here. The response to the essay has been amazing. I’m so glad it’s moved people and brought new folks into my life. Please keep in touch!
June 24, 2014 at 1:52 am
Please accept my sincere condolences. A beautiful blog with inspiring thoughts here. Thanks for sharing your personal life with us.
June 24, 2014 at 11:28 am
Thanks for the kind words, Emmanuel.
June 24, 2014 at 10:51 am
I just read your story “SAYING I DO, AND SAYING FAREWELL” on Narratively. It touched me in an uncomfortable way. I’m 44 years old and had sworn off marriage and long term relationships. My mother’s fondness for dysfunctional relationships and serial marriages influenced that. Then I met Fransisca. We’ve been married 2 years now and I am often scared of losing her. But what really frightens me is the thought of leaving her behind. Your story hit that spot……hard.
So here I am, a grown assed man, trying to hold back tears in my cubicle. If anyone notices, to save face I’ll have to tell them that I sat on my balls.
June 24, 2014 at 11:39 am
Stephen, thanks so much for reading the essay and commenting here. Your words mean a lot to me. It’s funny how love brings with it so much joy but also the fear of losing that love. This is definitely something I grapple with now as I attempt to move forward. I keep thinking I can’t go through it all again. Then again, great love is worth the risk, no?
We all have to die at some point. This is a given. I think the only thing we can do is enjoy our time together as much as possible, not sweat the “small stuff” and surrender the rest which is out of our control.
All the best to you and Fransisca!
July 8, 2014 at 12:27 pm
Hi doll, this is your neighbor I formally had the pleasure to meet both you and Ruby at the Devonshire. I checked out your blog and look forward to hearing more from you and your new life adventure!
July 8, 2014 at 1:17 pm
Hi Carrie! Thanks so much for checking out the blog. I love the Devonshire! 🙂
August 22, 2014 at 11:17 am
I can across your blog after trying to find dog friendly water parks in Florida. Your little Pit caught my eye. Beautiful blog, beautiful pup, blessed in many ways. Keep carrying on lady, you are doing great.
August 22, 2014 at 9:00 pm
Thank you! Hope you were able to find some dog friendly water parks too. That sounds like fun.
September 5, 2014 at 9:32 am
I enjoyed reading your story on Modern Loss. So sad and too familiar to my own. My husband, 28, died during a seizure due to a TBI after 3 years of marriage. We have two children. Thanks for sharing your story and letting other widows know that we’re not alone in our grief and experience. Thanks!
September 18, 2014 at 5:59 pm
Niva!! This is Jeannie, Norma Jean and Edie’s mama at SL dog park. We haven’t been to the there in a while and I had been thinking about you. I came to your site to see if I could contact you, only to discover that you’re on a new chapter of life’s adventure. Congratulations! Ruby must love her new surroundings. And what a beautiful backdrop to ride. It’s funny, we never talked about it, but I ride, too. Josh and I have vintage Honda CBs.
Well, take care and best wishes from the 90026,
September 28, 2014 at 6:55 am
Hi Jeannie!! Omg, I’m so happy to hear from you! Yes, I’ve moved from LA and, of course, miss it very much even though I’m enjoying it here too. Ruby is definitely having fun. How are your adorable doggies? Has the heat wave broken yet in LA?
How cool that you ride! If you ever come east, please do let me know. Let’s stay in touch. xo
October 27, 2015 at 3:36 pm
Hey Niva, thanks for coming by and dropping me some sympathy – it is very much appreciated.
I am so deeply sorry to read of your loss; although I have not experienced the same situation I recognise much of how you describe grief in your ‘lava’ post. I also understand the draw to write your experiences down; in part, I process those strong, overwhelming emotions (whether joyful or grief-filled) on paper through poetry and prose.
Your dog is gorgeous, of course!
October 30, 2015 at 9:30 am
You’re welcome. Hope you’re hanging in there.
March 26, 2022 at 5:41 pm
My husband died in 2012 and I leaned into your posts about grief and losing a beloved husband.
Not sure how 10 years ago – I came across your blog but happy I have read your journey.
Can you believe our sweet husbands have been dead 10 years. So many changes and life’s twist and turns we have endured through sadness and some
joy…..still missing but still living
Thanks for sharing your ride with me!!